You're Touched Out. Now What?
If you've ever reached the end of a long day of feeding, holding, and being needed and felt your skin crawl at the thought of one more person touching you, you are not broken. You are touched out. And it is one of the most common, least talked-about experiences of new motherhood.
The problem is not the feeling. The problem is not having the words to communicate it, especially to a partner who just wants to connect, or a well-meaning family member who wants to hold the baby while you stand there feeling obligated to smile.
This post gives you 10 ready-to-use scripts. Take them. Use them tonight if you need to.
What Does Being Touched Out Mean?
Being touched out is a state of sensory overload caused by prolonged physical contact, most commonly experienced by breastfeeding and babywearing moms. Your nervous system has simply had its fill of physical stimulation. It is not a reflection of how much you love your baby or your partner. It is a physiological response.
Research published in the Journal of Reproductive and Infant Psychology confirms that sensory overload is a significant contributor to postpartum anxiety and emotional exhaustion. Naming it and communicating it is not selfish. It is self-preservation.
10 Scripts for When You're Touched Out
To your partner at the end of the day:
I have been touched and needed all day and my body is completely overstimulated. I need 20 minutes alone before I can connect with anyone. It is not about you. I just need to decompress.
When you need space during a feed:
I am feeding the baby right now and I need quiet and space. Can you give me the room for a bit?
When your partner wants physical affection and you cannot:
I love you and I want to connect with you. Tonight my body just needs space. Can we sit together without touching? I just need to feel like my body is mine for a little while.
When a family member wants to hug you:
I am running on empty today. I need people to give me a little physical space. It is nothing personal. I am just overstimulated.
When you need to hand the baby off immediately:
I need you to take the baby right now. I am at my limit and I need five minutes. Just five minutes.
When you feel guilty for feeling this way:
I feel touched out and I am giving myself permission to say so. It does not mean I am a bad mom. It means I am human.
When your toddler will not stop climbing on you:
Mommy's body needs a break right now. Let's sit next to each other instead of on top of each other. You can hold my hand.
When you need to explain it to someone who does not understand:
Imagine someone touching your face every 45 minutes for 10 hours straight. That is what my nervous system has been doing all day. I just need space to breathe.
When you are breastfeeding and touched out simultaneously:
Nursing already takes everything I have physically right now. When I am done I need at least 30 minutes where no one needs anything from my body.
When you need to say it simply:
I am touched out. I need space. I will come back to you when I am ready.
You Do Not Have to Figure Out the Words Alone
The hardest part of being a new mom is not the sleepless nights or the feeding schedule. It is not having the language for what you are going through, and feeling like you have to perform okayness while running on empty.
Drained No More: The New Mom's Script Book gives you over 40 ready-to-use scripts for the moments new moms face every day: setting limits with family, asking your partner for help, talking to your doctor, and saying what you need without the guilt spiral.